All of the staff at the dentist office were very kind and accommodating. I think they got some hospitality training along the way. They took my coat and purse, offered me a blanket, and showed me to the seat in which I would spend the next hour and a half.
I generally forgo the Novocain for fillings and such, but that did not seem to be an option today. I never actually saw a needle, but at some point, the dentist began squeezing and shaking my cheek, much like the vet wriggles the dog’s behind before his rabies vaccine. That’s when I knew she was shooting me full of the stuff. (Also when my tongue began to feel ten times its normal size.)
The technician asked if I would like to watch something on Netflix. Wait. Netflix? She fitted me with some headphones, pulled the wall mounted screen within my eye’s reach and asked me to pick something. The pressure. How long would the procedure take? What would best take my mind off what was about to take place? Knowing I was taking too long to deliberate this important decision, I chose an Amy Schumer special. A little stand up might help ease the pain.
I guess I’m not very familiar with Amy Schumer. I thought she had been on Saturday Night Live at one time. I should have known from the title “Amy Schumer: The Leather Special” that this might not be her most wholesome work, but I was distracted by the cheek wriggle and not thinking clearly. So the horror in my mouth began and I set to watching a standup routine as raunchy as any by Andrew Dice Clay. And the captioning was on. I prayed that the dentist and technician would not look up at the screen as Amy described oral sex – both giving and receiving – in graphic detail, for about 45 minutes. Occasionally they would look up at the screen and I wondered what they must think of the middle-aged woman with the cracked tooth and the bawdy sense of humor.
Novocain cheek wriggle, humor, and embarrassment – a great recipe to take away the pain!